Putting a Face on a Number

The economic crisis our country currently faces has been nothing short of devastating. But it's so easy to get bogged down into all the numbers, like the millions of people who have lost their homes or the soaring rates of unemployment. While I was watching President Obama's town hall meeting in Fort Myers, Florida today, one particular instance gripped my heart.
My family has not lost their home. I do not have a job to lose. But I feel as if I'm very aware of the difficulties that people are facing, especially since I'm becoming a job seeker as May 9 grows ever so closer. But I got an even grimmer dose of reality after watching this segment. Take a look:



To see our President show that much sympathy to this struggling woman touched me in a very special way. And to think of all the 37 Republican senators who opposed the stimulus bill makes me cringe with disgust...because they don't mind spending billions upon billions of dollars investing in Iraq. It's way past time that we invest in our own country, and I'm so thankful that we have a President who plans to do just that!

Morning Glories

"Each night when I go to sleep, I die. And the next morning when I wake up, I am reborn." Mahatma Ghandi

After an extensive break from blogging, I am picking up the posting a bit more regularly this time around (at least that's my intention). And I'm starting today with a simple quote from one of the most respected people in the our world's history and a personal favorite of mine, Ghandi. This quote above embodies a powerful principle for living an authentic, more fulfilled life.
No matter what we do or what we encounter in a given day, we have the ability to leave it behind and start anew after we close our eyes that night. We are "reborn," given another chance to go out and do be a more productive and effective individual. There will always be moments when we wish for more hours in the day, but how many times do we sit around and waste the hours that we do have?
Tomorrow morning I will recommit myself to continually building the individual that I feel destined to become, and I will attempt to be the best "me" that I can be in every second through each opportunity. What will you do with your "new life?"

The Second Lady

In the midst of all the Inauguration madness (which I will blog about later), much has been made about our wonderful new First Lady. And rightfully so! But another woman has been catching my attention through all of this: the Second Lady, Dr. Jill Biden. First of all, have we EVER had a wife of the prez or vp with a doctorate??? But away from her professional accomplishments, she has led a pretty remarkable personal life. When four of her best friends were diagnosed with breast cancer in 1993, she established the Biden Breast Health Initiative. That included going to Deleware high schools and educating teenage girls on proper breast health. She has also earned two master's degrees while raising three children, two of which were not hers. As you probably know, Joe Biden's first wife and daughter were tragically killed in a car accident.

Jill Biden seems to represent many middle class women. And while some may say that she's only representative of white women, I beg to differ. She herself was born into a working class family, much like Michelle, and began work as a waitress at the age of 15. She also quickly married and divorced while in college, characterized herself as "rebellious", and even did some modeling. This tells me that she is unlike the typical politician's trophy wife, born into money and groomed to be the "philanthropic" blonde bombshell. She taught public school for 13 years, including special work with emotionally disturbed students. Neither did she settle into the role of housewife; rather, her responsiblites as a mother only seemd to further her impact on her community. I hope that your average American woman can see that she is so much more like they are than the infamous Sexy Sarah. She has class, an education, and actual accomplishments, yet she has also made some questionable decisions just like many of us have. I also love her style. She's a wonderful example of a healthy, productive, and down to earth woman. And I like her a little more each time I see her :)

One.Four

"I reckon I'd get away,
Being you for a day,
Oh, I wonder if I can.
Put me in a box for a little while,
Tomorrow take me out again.
Or am I already as lovely as you,
Are you in my window pane,
Looking back at me saying here I am,
You're beautiful"

Over the past several days, I've been spending most of my time alone...something I haven't done in a pretty long time. While having that "me time" is essential to anyone's emotional well-being, I guess I wasn't quite prepared to deal with this. I spent the holidays with my family, New Year's with friends, and then returned to my empty house. My "significant other" is still away for the break, and it's been difficult being separated, seeing that we spend the majority of our time together.
While I initially looked forward to having a few days to regroup and relax, something weird happened. It seems like I caught a severe case of the lonely heart blues. I was missing my friends in a major way, and my baby even more so. Since I felt so much physical separation from those that I love, it took me back to a time that threw me for a loop. Back to a time when I had yet to get a firm grasp on my identity...when I depended on those around me for self-identification and meaning. I was not ready for this one, folks! It's like it paralyzed me. I only moved from the couch to eat, shower, and go for the daily run. I was only thinking about my loved ones that weren't with me. I just felt emptiness. And that was something I hadn't felt in a long, long time.
To make a point with this post, it reminded me of how close I can be to falling. It's like it was a punch in the gut. And also a wake up call. Whenever we experience growth and maturation, it's easy to think that we'll never go back to that person that we once were. I also think that this was a result of not having the balance that I need from myself. But it reminded me that I'm not anywhere close to being where I need to be. Yes, I've grown and yes, I've done a lot to be proud about...but I'm still a work in progress. In some ways, I guess I've neglected that a bit lately. For me, I'm not yet disciplined enough to "take some time off" or take a break, because I'll let that break carry on longer than it's supposed to :)
But I posted this song along with this blog because it describes exactly how I used to feel about myself, and the nostalgia that I unexpectedly encountered as previously mentioned. I remember how I would always look to other people and want what they had. I couldn't find much worth in anything I had to offer, as a result of never previously dealing with my insecurities and lacking a healthy self-image. But just like the song says, it wasn't until I really looked in the mirror and saw that all I thought I wanted was staring right back at me telling me that I really am beautiful. It's probably such a simple lesson that many of you learned, or maybe it isn't. But it took me a long time to finally see that. Even now sometimes I lose sight of that. But none of us can be anything other than ourselves...and that's what makes life so very beautiful.

This is a clip by one of my favorites and a legend-in-the-making, Chrisette Michelle. She has not yet recorded this song, hence the abbreviated live version. But this short clip is all it takes for her to pull you in. This song is so pure, deep, and amazingly powerful. She takes me away every time I hear it, and always manages to make my eyes a little moist. She wrote this song just for me...

She's no Sister...

I love this chic. She always manages to put a look together that is uniquely authentic yet super fabulous. She wore this stylish black and white dress with the Chanel basket woven boots as she hosted e New Year's Eve event in Miami. Solange easily made my list of top 10 people of 2008. If you haven't listened to her album, Sol-Angel and the Hadley Street Dreams, you are missing out. It's completely retro as she takes you back to the Motown girl groups with a little vintage soul with hints of electronica. Although the album drops off a bit halfway through, it still remains a proud edition to my music box. Solange has set out to prove that she is "no sister, I'm just my God given name." Go ahead, Sol :)
Special thanks to theybf.com for the pic!

Hotty Toddy!!!

I know...a football post on this blog??? Today the Rebels crushed the Texas Tech Red Raiders 47-34 to capture the Cotton Bowl trophy! The 20th ranked Rebs handed Texas Tech, a team that was ranked as high as no. 2 in the country early in the season, only their second loss of the season. This season was such a turn around from previous years, as Ole Miss won only 3 games last year. Thanks to new coach Houston Nutt and an army of hard working players that believed they could win, Rebel fans were treated to one of the best seasons in recent history. They finish the season with a 9-4 record and a great shot at a top 10 ranking! I am so glad they finally good had a good season before I left :) Great job Rebels! You made our university proud, and you've been fun to watch all year. HOTTY TODDY!!!

My MVP of the game, Dexter McCluster. The junior all-purpose player kept the Rebel offense going as he finished with 97 yards rushing and 83 yards receiving with a touchdown. And he did it all looking pretty darn good with his very well-kept dreds :)

One.One

"We dream of life playing in the sun,
So please don't ever be afraid to shine
Cause only heaven knows
What to make of these dreams sometimes.
But for tonight, let's just leave it all behind."

Well, the first day of a new year has come and almost gone. This is supposed to be the time that I build off of what I spent so much of 2008 reconstructing. It's time to leave all the fear, the insecurities, and all the shame behind. None of that has a place in 2009. This year will be full of firsts, and I've got to be able to bring myself fully to the table so that I can spread my wings and succeed. And only I am capable of doing this. I've been shown the pieces to the puzzle, and this year it's time that I start putting the puzzle together.

I can't stop listening to The Foreign Exchange's album, Leave it All Behind (see previous post). It seems that no matter what my mood is, there's a message on each song that speaks to me. It's been picking me up, pushing me, and reassuring me that I've got this. Tonight has been one of those nights where I've felt down and it's tough to climb out, but this song was just what I needed to hear. I've been focusing a little to much on the negatives and the "what ifs," which is a little uncharacteristic for my optimistic self. But's its time to give life to the blueprint. I know what's there. And now it's my turn to build it. Life may be difficult, but one worth having won't always be easy.

2008: The Year That Was

As I sit here taking in the last few hours of 2008, I can't help but think that this will be one of those years I always remember. And it won't be just because our country's political landscape was forever changed as Barack Obama was elected President, nor will it be because I turned the magic 2-1 and took my place in the land of legality.

2008 will be a year that I'll always remember because of the personal milestones that it contained. I really don't even know where to begin to give an adequate description of how much I grew and evolved. But this past year, I became a man. In late 2007, I began my transformation physically. I shed some pounds, muscled up, completely adjusted my eating habits, and grew out the locks. I was happy with the new body, and the transformation turned inward. I knew that in order to become the man I wanted to be, I would have to be healthy not just physically, but mentally and spiritually as well. I wanted to live my best life.

Before this year, I knew the person that I wanted to become, but I had no idea how to get there. As mentioned in my first blog post, I had to tear down so much of what was in my life that shouldn't be there (attitudes, insecurities, and ways of dealing) so that I could see what was most important: myself. I had ignored my own voice for so long that I didn't even hear it anymore. My motor ran based on what my environment fed to it. My life essentially revolved around the people in it and what was happening to me. I was living a reactionary life. I was also waging an internal battle that had been there for so long, I had become accustomed to it. It was a battle in my head...a battle that made me feel insecure, unworthy of love, and confused.


I realized this battle was a result of invalidation. Up until this year, I have never been able to authentically validate myself. Why you ask? Without going into too much detail (now that's a blog post within itself), I grew up feeling as if I could only present the part of myself that was acceptable. I always knew that I was different, but I felt that if I were to present the part of me that felt "different" then I would be rejected and cast down. So, I hid behind a big smile and an outgoing personality in order to compensate for the invalidation. It was my way of dealing with pain. The worst part of it, though, was that I began to lose myself in the process, because I became what I thought everyone else wanted me to be.

But in 2008, I tore down the fronts, the walls, and faced my insecurities for the first time in my life. Through countless hours of tears, introspection, soul searching, and frustration, I began to see something for the first time in my life. I am worthy of love. There is nothing about myself that I should have to hide because of the fear of rejection. I started listening to myself. I liked what I saw when I walked past the mirror. I also felt something for the first time in my life: confidence. Even more importantly, I now feel hope that I can overcome this internal battle that I've struggled with all my life. Yes, for the first time in my life...I love who I am!

I can't help but feel excitement when I think about the upcoming year. I'll be graduating and making a pretty big move as I set out to define my destiny. I also am excited because the relationships that were formed and strengthened in 2008 will carry into tomorrow. Noah may have his ARC, but I have my TJAGDCKM :) My life would be incomplete without the people who occupy my heart. The friends that were made (and the one that was taken to a new level, Mr. Arnett) have profoundly impacted my life, and it feels so good to have these guys supporting me on my journey.

And most importantly, I am in love :) When you really love somebody, there is nothing in this world that you can't face. It makes you feel on top of the world...like all you gotta do to fly is spread your wings. Love is the most important thing in my life. You are the most important thing in my life, and my 2008 would never have been what it was if you weren't there beside me.

As 2008 closes, I will be with the people that I love. Although the key ingredient won't be there tonight, I cannot wait to see what 2009 has to bring. And I couldn't think of a better way to end this momentous year than smiling at what it was. I can't wait to build on what I finally found!